Revision Exercise #2: Sentence Level
Revision for Coherence and Transition
Joyce R. Walker
NOTE: The second exercise in this series of two is designed to
be used shortly after Revision Exercise #1 - The Meaning of Shel
Silverstein, as an aid in writing the first paper. (For Comp.101-Special Admissions)
Discussion of the Activity: For this assignment, the
students are instructed to type their papers (whatever essay they are working on) into the
computer and save them on disk. Then they make a copy of their paper and save that,
as well. A partner then takes the disk (or sits down at the other student's
terminal) and does the dis-organizing process on the copy of the paper. It would be
a paragraph-level dishevelment and the sentences will be placed in a list format.
For instance, the previous paragraph would look like this:
PARAGRAPH ONE:
A partner then takes the disk (or sits down at the other student's
terminal) and does the dis-organizing process on the copy of the paper.
For this assignment, the students are instructed to type their papers
(whatever essay they are working on) into the computer and save them on disk.
It would be a paragraph-level dishevelment and the sentences will be
placed in a list format.
Then they make a copy of their paper and save that, as well.
Obviously, the writing to be revised would have to b a short piece, or the
students would never get finished with this assignment! It is a time-consuming
process, but I think that when the students go back to examine their writing, they will
find that they are forced to consider each sentence carefully. (They are not allowed to
look back at the original draft.) This process can help them to consider not only
the order in which they are putting their thoughts, but how well the thoughts transition
from one idea to the next.
This revision exercise could also be used from the Freshman college level
down to the Junior High School level. The kind of proofreading which considers every
sentence in a given piece of writing is not usually the kind of proofreading that
beginning writers do, and I feel this exercise forces them to take a very close look at
what they are actually saying in their writing. They may find, as I often do, that
what they thought they said is not what they have said at all!
The Activity:
Paper Revision
In this exercise, I'd like you to take the things we learned when we
worked on the Shel Silverstein poem and apply them to your own writing. You are
basically going to "un-organize" each other's essays and then you will try to
put your own essay back together again. (Without looking at your original draft!)
Open your copy of your essay.
Everybody move to a different terminal, so you are looking at someone
else's essay.
Take the essay and move it around, sentence by sentence, so that all of
the sentences are in the wrong order. Be sure to place only one sentence per line.
Don't be shy. Really take the sentences and move them around until the essay
makes no sense at all. (Be sure to move only one sentence at a time though and don't
"cut" anything and then not "paste" it back somewhere else!)
When you've finished, move back to your own essay.
Take your "dis-organized" essay and make it make sense again.(**Remember,
you are not allowed to look at your original saved essay to see how it is supposed to go!)
The purpose of this assignment is to allow you to really think
about each sentence in your essay. You should ask yourself the following questions:
Does each sentence really belong where it is?
Does each sentence make sense with the sentence that comes before it and
after it?
What does the essay really say when you read each sentence separately?
What we are trying to do here is make the essay make sense, not
necessarily just put it back in the same order it's in in the original. This is a
revision so don't be afraid to revise, add, change, move around rearrange, and make it
better. That is what revision is all about!
Return to Compu/Comp Page
|
