Intergenerational Initiative > Communication > The Process of Getting Acquainted

ABSTRACT:

Communication between generations in an intergenerational program may develop to one of several levels, beginning with the first contact, proceed to a getting-acquainted stage and, in some cases, move toward friendship. This article looks at the interactions between non-related older adults and young people--those typically involved in intergenerational programs and the communication dynamics that can foster effective intergenerational communication. Published by the Southwest Journal on Aging, Vol.12 No, 1 & 2/1996, pgs. 43-46

Effective communication may be the single most important determinant of a successful intergenerational program. We define intergenerational programs as social interactions based on communication between two different generations. Communication researchers acknowledge the complexity of interpersonal and intergenerational communication and yet, an intergenerational exchange may be the most simple, natural interaction. This article describes three aspects of communication; the initial contact, the evolution of the getting acquainted process, and building intergenerational communication competence for future exchanges.

Initial Contact

Intergenerational contact may be the action of occupying the same room or attending the same event (parallel presence). As the proximity of the contact increases, there is an actual communication varying from a short and passing connection (superficial contact) to something more meaningful (making contact).

Parallel Presence

Intergenerational programs often focus on the event itself, for example, a meal or the performance. In such programs, little attention is given to seating arrangements or to ice breakers that will help make connections. Typical of this type of event is the interaction between young and old in a nursing home, cafeteria, or classroom where they are in the same room but are separated by space. The participants begin and end the exchange at a distance, with young grouped together and old grouped separately and the structure of the activity giving no opportunity for dialogue.

Superficial Contact

The second type of pattern is similar to the first except there is some contact between the generations. Superficial contact is observed, for example, when an older person reads to a group of children, or a group of children trick-or-treat at a nursing home. The dialogue tends to be at the "meet and greet" level and the focus is clearly on the activity. With superficial contact, young and old may take the initiative to exchange pleasantries and inch toward a dialogue, but most often the event ends before the dialogue can take place.

Making Contact

The third pattern is the most appropriate for fostering communication between the generations. The ideal setting for an intergenerational program features, first of all, an environment conducive to conversation. It should be relatively quiet to compensate for any hearing problems among older adults and allow for a reasonable proximity for conversation. The process of getting acquainted is one part of the communication picture, but the setting for the interaction also plays a key role. According to Knapp (1978), our reaction to the setting is an important determinant of the breadth and depth of our communication. We are more likely to communicate in an informal setting, one that is familiar and promotes the feeling of warmth and privacy. Another important consideration is the distance between people--"How close or how far away the environment forces us to conduct our communication with another person" (Knapp, 1978, p. 75). A small round or square table or a circle of chairs can symbolically bring everyone together. Having moveable chairs and tables allows individuals to construct "settings" that are comfortable for them. This pattern also facilitates dialogue if they have difficulty getting started. Ice breakers, discussion topics, interviews, sharing of information about one's likes are all ways to begin conversation, so that old and young can get to know each other.

Evolution of Getting Acquainted Process

Friendship and acquaintance research (Duck, 1994: Knapp, 1978; Wilmot, 1979: Lewis, 1973: Altman and Taylor, 1973 ) suggests that relationships follow a specific process. Wilmot (1979, p.146) places relationships on a continuum of intimacy, from strangers to acquaintances to friends." Knapp (1978), on the other hand, describes five distinct stages. The first three stages are particularly relevant to intergenerational programs.

Knapp's first stage is the initiation phase (opening lines, and initial reactions to the other: "Hi, how are you?" "Fine, and you?"). Next comes the experimenting stage and accompanying small talk that helps individuals learn something about one another. The third stage Knapp calls "intensifying," during which individuals learn more personal information and self-disclosure begins to happen.

Altman and Taylor (1973) summarize the process with a concept they call social penetration. "As a relationship begins, the dyadic participants expose more and more information about the central aspect of their personalities" (Altman and Taylor, 1973, p. 27). Lewis describes the first three stages in a similar manner: "First the dyads perceive similarities, next they achieve rapport, and the third stage is self-disclosure" (1973, p. 20).

"Acquaintance is a term that describes the process of getting to know someone in depth from the first encounter to established relationships" (Duck, 1977, p. 15). When young people and older adults come together for the first time in a setting that makes interaction possible, the acquaintance process begins. First, the participants initiate a conversation. They may simply say "hello" another similar script that is our "meet and greet" tradition. Next, a more lengthy exploration (descriptive process) may occur to find likes, dislikes, and similarities. If meetings occur over a period of time, old and young gradually move from the descriptive level of dialogue to the third stage, self-disclosure. In a few intergenerational programs the participants reach the highest acquaintance level--that of friends.

Initiating

When meeting others, our expectations are influenced by many things. (Duck, 1977) suggests that two of these are personal past history and ones cultural, social, and contextual history. When we meet people for the first time, we usually react to them on a very superficial level. Before we begin to communicate verbally, we make certain assumptions about others based on our perceptions of their characteristics (old or young, male or female, minority or white, tall or short and so forth). We tend to base our judgments on the things that are most obvious about the person. These are the things we notice immediately and on which we base our judgments. The quality of the interaction, should we choose to pursue it, tends to be based upon our personal feelings about the observed characteristics. For example, how one reacts to older people depends on how we perceive older people in general.

Participants in intergenerational programs bring a communication history to the encounter. Each participant's history may contain a wide array of styles or preferences. For example, they are shy or outgoing; they enjoy communicating with diverse individuals or feel more comfortable only with those more like themselves. They have experience communicating with another generation or fear old or young. Whatever the pattern, there is evidence that ways of communicating with one another are established early in life and are modified through a complex variety of interactions.

Behavior for interacting with others begins at an early age. "Some toddlers actively affiliate and seek each other out, while others are ignored, and antagonized, or avoided. Yet, from these humble beginnings, a child's notions and practices of friendship typically undergo dramatic changes and refinements over the first decade and a half of life" (de Gruyter, 1992, p. 25). It is important for those in intergenerational programming to recognize that all ages, from the oldest adult to the youngest children, participate in intergenerational exchanges and that some individuals are outgoing and actively affiliate while others are shy and have difficulty making conversation.

Finding Similarities

The initial stage of intergenerational dialogue is superficial and highly scripted. Older participants may ask about school, general family issues, and other non-threatening subjects. Young people may ask about living arrangements or occupations." Knapp (1994) has called this stage "experimenting," in the sense that the participants are discovering the unknown. Typically they share biographies and look for similarities.

In the second stage of getting acquainted, we also become sensitive to people at to see how they react toward them. This is an important stage because our perception of another 's reaction to us is an important determinant in the continuation of contact. It also suggests an important issue for intergenerational programming. Duck (1973, p. 44) puts it well when he states: "This raises the question of whether we like someone because they like us, or whether the knowledge that a person likes us merely strengthens our attraction to them, or whether we like them and then incidentally they like us."

Self-disclosure

Allan (1989, p. 14-15) views the "self as" ... a house with various rooms in it, different friends may be allowed to see into different rooms at different times or to venture into them in a different order." Although we do not share all the information about ourselves with others, we do reach a point where we are willing to disclose certain details about why we behave as we do. This is a process of self-disclosure and it marks the beginning of an effort to build trust. Occasionally a group of young people and seniors find great rapport early in their acquaintance process. In a group of college freshmen interacting with retired faculty mentors, disclosure happened very quickly when they were one on one (Angelis et. al., 1991). Stories of sad lives, questions about sexual behavior, and conversations about personal problems soon dominated a dyad whose agenda was to discuss taking effective class notes, using time well, or preparing for tests.

Friendship

Friendship is a term that describes a special sort of relationship. It involves high levels of trust, compatibility, and similar interests. Wilmot (1979, p. 144) states that "We cannot tell the precise moment when a friendship is formed. As in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop that makes it run over. Contact, proximity, and similarities promote friendships. Relationships develop based on what the participants are willing to expend and do with and for one another." Friendships require mutual respect and mutual acceptance. As we become friends we become aware "not only of each other's strong points, the points we admire and respect, but of each other's warts and blemishes as well" (Brenton, 1974, p. 129). The implication for intergenerational programs is that a high level of understanding may be reached by only a few, and most often these are in mentoring relationships.

Building Intergenerational Communication Competence

"Communication competence is the yardstick for measuring the quality of our interpersonal relationship" (Spitzberg, 1984, p. 11). Intergenerational programs, as communication exchanges, are affected by the initial contact, the setting for their communication, and the environment that is provided. Interaction with another generation may give both a sense of connection and their perception that they are competent in their communication with one another. For example, they communicate more effectively as they understand trendy words, the changes that occur with their place in the life cycle, unfamiliar nonverbal cues, and a different view of the world. The association with these differences and similarities can mean increased communication competence.

If programming is effective young and old find many similarities that lead to a positive view of one another. Some of the similarities for young and old are a lack of understanding about other generations, social isolation, and the idea that they have no value to society. Schultz (1976, p. 23) points out, however, that although "...we often think of loneliness as more rampant in elderly rather than young populations, ...research casts doubts on this." Program developers have an opportunity to facilitate connections between generations by eliminating the parallel presence or superficial contact and giving the opportunity for authentic communication. Further, program developers can facilitate effective communication connections by instigating small group discussions or one-on-one interactions that provide an environment for getting acquainted and finding similarities. Intergenerational programmers have an opportunity to improve understanding between generations by incorporating information about each generation that helps young and old to reflect on their communication history with other generations.

An intergenerational experience can provide involvement with the world. Even when the focus of a program may be young people conducting chore services or older people mentoring at-risk youngsters, both generations are giving to each other and receiving from each other.

The majority of intergenerational programs are short term but even if an interaction between an intergenerational pair is not ongoing, it can instill a pattern of quality intergenerational communication that continues to build on each intergenerational exchange in the future. Understanding confidentiality when individuals disclose person remarks or experiences from others.

Summary

When we first meet others, especially if they are noticeably older or younger than ourselves, we may feel uncomfortable and uncertain because they are different. Our attitudes, ideas, and feelings about other generations affect the dialogue. Quality communication in an intergenerational program depends on a setting that is conducive to conversation and encourages connections.

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