[1] If she's said it once, she's said it a million times, "What is that dog thinking? Wouldn't it be great if he could talk? Tell me about it, honey. If I could, I'd set her straight. Many's the time I wag my tail and she thinks it's because I love her. In fact, it's dinnertime, and I want to see that can opener being put to good use. I mean, come on. You've heard of Pavlov, haven't you? I'm slobbering here, waiting for you to fill that bowl.

[2] Since we're talking amongst ourselves, I have to confess there's a lot about me even I don't understand. Maybe I'm just a pooch, but I have feelings, I have needs, and I need answers. Why do I bark? Why does snapping at the postman satisfy something deep in my soul? Where did my shoe fetish come from? All this is beyond my owner, but there's one person who does understand: my doctor, Marty Becker, D.V.M. So here I sit, in his office, seeking the doggy dope on the mystery that is me.

Q: Let's get a big one out the way. Cats. Why bother?
A: Look, cats are fine for some people. But relax: When it comes to man's best friend, the list starts and ends with dogs. You're better exercise partners and protectors, and you're generally more personable than cats. You're great at reading our emotions and giving us affection when we need it. About all you can say for cats is that they're better lap warmers. And they tend to live longer. Life isn't always fair.

Q: Why do I bark, and why can't my owners understand me?
A: You bark to express yourself. And did you ever notice that you just feel a lot better after a good barking binge? That's because barking helps you release anxiety.

As for why your owners seem clueless: remember, they don't speak Dog, which has its own complex structures. A recent study found that you use different classes of barking to alert, to indicate distress, and to identify humans and animals you come in contact with. Dog breeds that aren't genetically very vocal, like bloodhounds or golden retrievers, rarely bark except when something stressful or startling happens. On the other hand, beagles, schnauzers and fox terriers love to bark for any reason, any time. Woof!

Q: Hey back atcha. So barking is my way of speaking. What kind of statement am I making by lifting my leg on everything when I'm outside?
A: Think of it as pee-mail that says, "I was here." By leaving your unique scent, you're downloading data for the next canine who happens by. The original purpose of all this leg-lifting was to claim a territory, mostly for hunting or mating. The dog patrolled a border, sniffing for marks of intruders, and marking over any it found. Since the scent dissipates over time, the top dog in the territory has to "re-mark" on a regular basis.