Q: Speaking of which, in my book, the mail carrier is a marked man. Why do I go after gardeners and meter readers too? Is it the uniforms?
A: It's not the clothes. It's because humans are very poor readers of canine language. You have very plainly marked your territory, and the postman walks right in without even a simple "Hello." Like I said, protecting your turf is a behavioral imperative for most animals. You'll defend your territory - in this case, the front yard - against all intruders. You're not alone. Even a songbird will dive-bomb interlopers to keep them out of her airspace. Over time, you've learned to associate the uniform with a human habit pattern - crossing your territory. So, if Mr. Postman brought a dog treat along with the mail, you'd probably feel differently about his daily visit.

Q: I paw a couch or go round in a circle before I lie down. Why?
A: When your distant relatives lived in the wild, they didn't have the creature comforts you have. No carpet. No doggy bed from L.L. Bean. When ancient Fidos wanted to rest, they pawed at the brambles to create a nest, or walked in circles to flatten the long grass. It also allowed them to inspect the area they were about to sleep in, to avoid sticks or snakes. Dogs did this over many generations, and gradually the process became ingrained.

Q: I call it a big margarita, my owners call it a toilet bowl. Can I get sick from drinking there?
A: For your human parents, it's a place to . . . well, you know. For you, it's like a mountain stream: cold, swirling and usually fresher than what's in your water dish. Still, you can get sick from topping off your tank in the bathroom. The human intestine is home to many nasty organisms. E. coli is the best known, but there's also shigella, salmonella, and a host of other germs affectionately known as coliforms. Because of flushing and periodic cleaning, usually you won't ingest enough bacteria to really make you sick. Still, if you're under the weather or have a compromised immune system, or if you suck down leftover cleaning chemicals, things could get ugly. Drop your parents an anonymous note telling them to keep the lid down, and asking for one of those automatic doggy drinking fountains. At the very least they should give you fresh water twice a day.

Q: I hate it when people blow in my face, but I love to stick my head out the window of my car when it's going 65. What's the difference?
A: People don't like it when a stranger gets up in you face - why should you? Sticking your head out the car window is totally different. You love what you see, and you really love what smell out there. When the Creator handed out olfactory talents, dogs were richly blessed, which means you're able to pick up all sorts of information that your owner misses. A squirrel here, some dogs there, a pizza shop nearby, all for the sniffing. But unless you wear goggles, your owner should stick to slow rides in the neighborhood. And buckle up.